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No thanks, alcohol free mouthwash, my life is depressing enough.
A good lawyer knows the law. An excellent one knows the judge.
I have short term memory. I also like to fish. Also, I have short term memory.
Not sure if this Adderall is working but I just made a pros and cons list about pros and cons lists.
I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.
Well I was gonna donate blood today until the lady got all personal and started asking "who´s blood is this?" and "How did you get it?"
Yes it may sound childish but if it glows in the dark I still get freaking exited.
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome
My local hairdresser just got arrested for selling drugs. Unbelievable! I`ve been her customer for 10 years and had no clue she was a hairdresser!
I`m glad I`m me, I don`t think anybody else could take it.
You can save a lot of money by walking face-first into a spiderweb every morning instead of buying coffee.
People in glass houses can throw whatever they want. They live in a glass house, I`m not expecting them to be practical
80% of my life is pulling percentages out of thin air and stating them as facts...
Shout out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money.
I usually spend my Mondays texting apologies but I`ve had an alcohol free weekend now I have nothing to do.