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To those girls who always put"CRYING" at the end of every status, seriously what do you expect us to do, inbox you a tissue?
Life isn`t a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, chances are you are going to walk home barefoot.
I get so confused when I`m about to watch a TV show or movie and "For Mature Audiences Only" appears on the screen. Can I watch or not?
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk while it´s still snowing
This status is dedicated to whatever you’re ignoring in real life to read it.
I think there are great benefits in remaining strangers.
To honor Thanksgiving this month I will be calling every one Pilgrim instead of Dude or Bro-- Fair warning
Never underestimate a girl’s ability to find things out.
Apologising does not mean you are wrong and the other person is right, it just means you value your relationship more than your ego.
You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear the crinkle of a candy wrapper or bag of chips through walls.
Trying to untwist a twizzler is a real b*tch and this gas station cashier yelling at me isn`t helping.
My buddy told me he was going to Beerfest this weekend, I asked him where, he said "any bar I walk into!!!"
It`s all rainbows and sunshine until he breaks your heart, then it`s voodoo dolls and arson reports.
Let’s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
I get butterflies in my stomach every time I eat butterflies.