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I once tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck up my nose.
How do you play religious roulette? You stand around in a circle with your friends and blaspheme, and see who gets struck by lightning first.
I don`t play sports, the only sport I play is shopping. But there`s a lot of walking involved in that. Running sometimes if there`s a sale.
Studies show that 5 out of 6 people enjoy Russian roulette.
It`s so cold outside I had to put Jack in my Coke to keep it from freezing.
Girls must buy $500 purses just to impress other girls. No guy has ever said "Bro, she was ugly...but that purse...
Guys, Everyone. Listen. I`m going to say two words that will change your lives. Pizza Tacos. I know. Just breath.
Golf would be a lot more fun to watch on TV if the balls were on fire
The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry’s in the oven. I’m going to bed.
Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it`s like a high-five for your feet.
I go both ways. I like hard AND soft tacos.
If you think I wrote this status update in the nude, you`re wrong. I`m wearing a sombrero and a candy necklace.
Don`t hide your feelings. Hide the evidence.
Dear human, you get mad when i wake you up and also get mad when i dont. Sincerely confused, Alarm Clock.
I Don`t Care If you Don`t Like Me .. Iam Not A Facebook Status :D