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I bet Miley Cyrus is eating Twerky right now.
I judge how safe an area is by the number of lit letters on the Waffle House sign.
When I buy a horse, I`ll call it `MY FACE`..imagine all the ladies screaming `come on my face`
Lord, grant me the courage to be the person I am under my breath.
Right now, a future teen mom is applying copious amounts of body glitter to herself.
Sleeping is so difficult when you have a world awake in your phone.
Somebody is out there, somewhere, thinking of the impact you`ve made in their life. It`s not me. I think your an idiot.
"I wish people would start doing ice bucket challenges again" - said no one ever!
Good news I passed my drug test today. But now my drug dealer has some explaining to do.
Why can`t Mosquitos suck Fat instead of Blood!
Don`t you just love it when you see someone who is photogenic, looks perfect in every picture but then when you see them in person you`re like EURGH God Damn! What happened to you in the last 24h!
It`s scientifically proven that stress is caused by giving a f*ck.
"Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid."
Iām going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people Iām going to haunt grows everyday.
Dear whoever ate my fries while i was in the ball pit at McDonald`s... grow up!!