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To be honest, I panic a bit right before I have to pronounce Worcestershire sauce.
All women are bad for me. At least that`s what my wife says.
I have OCD and ADD, so everything must be perfect..but not for very long.
I never thought I`d be one of those people that hit the gym early in the morning ... I was right!
I`m the kind of crazy you weren`t warned about because no one knew this level existed.
Girls here is an idea.. instead of spending that much money on make up just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child
I`ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn`t need my assistance, so I`m going back to bed.
I remember 2012 like it was yesterday.
I`ve officially met everyone`s mother yesterday via Facebook so I`m pretty sure that takes me out of the friend zone here ladies
If the universe didn`t want me to eat four pop-tarts for breakfast I wouldn`t have four slots on my toaster...
I think I may be getting harder to love.
Finally got this fire hydrant open, but there was like, the opposite of fire inside
Is it ok to ask a very pregnant librarian if she`s overdue?
I`m off and running like a wounded herd of turtles on valium