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Happiness comes from within. That’s why it feels good to fart.
I was told today to look at my life from a different perspective. I`m lying on the floor now and the shit still looks f*cked up.
That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy.
“Hey baby, do you smell that?” “No.” “Me neither, start cooking.”
I think I really have an amazing butt, every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say,"what an a$$.."
Never run after a man or a bus, there is always another one coming.
People would believe everything I say.. if it wasn`t for everything I say.
The most frightening thing about nightmares is realizing that they were created by your mind.
Just because you`re not paranoid doesn`t mean they`re not out to get you.
I live in a small town where the population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregant a guy leaves town.
Sometimes I wish I was a nicer person but then I laugh and continue my day.
People who enjoy life, rarely have a flat stomach.
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I`m not sure what it means.
Ok ... I just had a talk with myself, and it did not go well. Now I`m grounded.