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My fella asked me to name all my sexual partners. I took a couple of minutes to list them and eventually got to him. Should of stopped there
Clearly the people that design refrigerators don`t know me if they think one tiny cheese drawer and two giant vegetable drawers is the way to go.
Billy Ray Cyrus made a million dollars at a playgirl photo shoot. He just started taking his clothes off and they paid him to put them back on.
You know you`re getting older when you play GTA and spend 3 hours just walking around the map trying to find where you parked your car.
Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life.
Hey Guys, I don’t have Instagram but I just wanted to let you know that I had oatmeal for breakfast. No sugar, mixed with water.
Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder.
Asking a guy, "Are you done with that?" & pointing to his girlfriend, is frowned upon. Apparently.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be an adult. So yeah...kids are stupid.
Even though I`m a guy I still get nervous when I pee on a pregnancy test.
I will resolve to spend less time on Facebook..............ok, got that one out of the way.....................
I just want to be rich enough to be referred to as eccentric instead of crazy.
I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That`s it. No more reading!
Never change. Unless you’re an a$$hole. Then you should probably change a little.
At the young age of 5, a bear told me that I am the only person who can prevent forest fires. Why I was chosen, I’ll never know.