Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Surgery beds are basically cutting boards for humans.
Humans pretend to be smart, but we still look at the ceiling when we hear a noise upstairs like we just developed x-ray vision.
Iron Man is a superhero. Iron woman is a command.
I’m not fat... my stomach is 3D.
is spending my children´s inheritance.
Personality is 40% genetics, 40% upbringing, and 20% the last movie you watched.
No toilet paper.. goodbye socks
The worst job to have right about now would be that of a realtor in Ferguson.
The phrase "Don`t take this the wrong way." has a zero percent success rate.
Every have one of those moments where you look at yourself in the mirror and think "Damn if I weren`t me, I`d totally hit that."
Paintball is much more fun when the other people at Walmart don’t know we are playing.
You ever wonder why wearing no underwear is called “going commando”? It seems to me it wouldn’t be useful in a combat situation.
Born free. Now, I’m expensive.
If you emphasize the ‘po’ in police they’re probably already after you.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 300,000 times, well then you`re probably a weatherman.