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I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. "My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl."
It is amazing how a nice pair of boobs can hide serious flaws and signs of mental illness until after you marry them!
Whoever said "Lets do that" in the meeting for the pop-tarts without frosting, should be fired
Hire a hitman is apparently not the correct answer to "what would you do if you won the lottery"
I am not cut out for the CIA. All the opposing side would have to do is tickle me and I’d spill all our nation’s secrets.
I will have you know I have FRIENDS! All 10 seasons.
I don`t like people who can`t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
I love you more each day as my other options diminish.
When you msg me @ 9:30am w/ just "Morning," don`t be shocked when I wait till 12:00pm & respond w/ "Noon." Seriously, what did ya expect?
Minnesota is my favorite state that sounds like it`s a small soft drink.
I`ve had such a bad week First my girlfriend got run over by a bus, then I lost my job.. ..as a bus driver
If a$$holes could fly, this place would be an airport
You mellennials and your obsession with public healthcare, back in my day we just died!
And then God said, "Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I`ll give women the power over which to control it."
I hate when a website has a picture that you can click and enlarge. Then the "enlarged picture" is the same exact size as the thumbnail!