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People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies
I’d like to see the dollar store get a liquor license.
Is it safe to take off my Winter Solstice Glasses yet?
Do you ever order a club sandwich just to feel like you`re a part of something?
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you would actually kill me.
If at first you don`t succeed ... run them over
The next person I hear say “I love fall” is getting choked out with a scarf soaked in pumpkin spice latte.
It`s tax season. Anyone have some spare kids?
GIRLS: To make a guy panic, simply ask, " Notice anything different?`... works EVERY time
I hate when I forget my sunglasses and get caught staring at a woman`s boobs for 20 minutes.
ATTENTION LADIES: I will now be downgrading expectations from someone I can love to someone I can tolerate. Act now while this amazing deal still lasts!
Funny word combinations :Clearly misunderstood, Exact estimate, Small crowd, Act naturally, Found missing, Fully empty and above all ... Happily Married
If I knew how to backflip, I`d never walk anywhere.
How can society expect me to be a mature productive member of it I don`t even know if it`s spelled gray or grey
Multitasking (verb) - Screwing up several things at once.