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Marriage (Possible side effects may include sadness, anger, sudden drop in finances, depression, sexual abstinence, and sobriety)
Women are so jealous. I bet Eve counted Adam`s ribs everyday to see if another woman had been created.
Right now I`m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I`ve forgotten this before.
You think your life is bad? I’ve got that “Five dollar foot long” song stuck in my head
How many HA’s equal a LOL? How about a LMAO? Is there a conversion chart somewhere?
Million dollar idea: A bathroom mirror that takes pictures.
It`s not condescending if they`re stupid.
Hey people who say I am boring and not interesting; FYI the police just called saying they want to talk to me because I am "a person of interest"
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail
If you`re in a hole, stop digging...
The wife almost caught me browsing on Facebook, but I quickly clicked over to a porn site. That was close.
Walmart needs observation decks.
My boss told me "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have" Am now sat in a disciplinary meeting wearing my Batman costume
We can land a rover on an asteroid, but they can`t make a can of shaving cream that doesn`t spill 1/10th of it`s contents after every use.
Why is it always the same person getting in your way from start to checkout at the grocery store?