Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If you didn`t hear it with your own ears or see it with you own eyes. Don`t invent it with your small mind, and share it with your big mouth.
Saying the word "awkward" in an awkward situation only makes it more awkward. Especially if you sing it.
Birthday sex is just like regular sex but you are dissapointed that more people didn`t come.
Yeah, I was dropped as a baby. Into a pool of sheer awesome.
Please don’t take anything I say personal or too seriously. I’m just an idiot with internet access.
Sorry, I can’t today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandfather’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died, and yes, it was tragic.
I only seem to remember I want to lose weight after eating 6 cookies.
Do you ever dislike someone so much that you hate when people are nice to them?
It’s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most
How come no one in a zombie movie has ever seen a zombie movie
Cake and pie can’t compete. If you put candles in a cake it’s birthday cake. Put candles in a pie and someone’s drunk in the kitchen.
I have hit the age where sex and choosing the exact right size Tupperware for leftovers are equally satisfying...
My new year`s resolution is that donuts have no calories.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re stupid and make bad decisions.
Fun Fact about me: The drunker I get, the more karate I know.