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Woke up with morning wood but she wouldn`t!
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching `Night at the Roxbury.` "Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?"
I don`t know what is longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
I know you`re supposed to have 3 balanced meals a day, but how many can I have at night?
I should eat more healthy, but we all saw how that whole apple thing went for Adam & Eve.
When I said I wanted to take it slow, I meant your life.
You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days..
Marriage counseling - because sometimes your spouse needs to hear from a professional that they are being an a$$
I`m convinced that homeless people have all the shopping carts with 4 good wheels.
Who actually clicks on the "No I am not over 18" links on "adult" pages?
It’s like I was put on this earth so unstable people have somebody to date.
Sometimes when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
Like a good neighbor,I don`t really care.
The moment you empty your vacuum cleaner is the moment you become a vacuum cleaner.