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Almost time for my nightly foursome......... Me, my bed, my pillow and my blanket! What the hell were YOU thinkin` you perv!!!!!!
America: Where stairs are only used for emergency escape purposes.
If Jehovah`s witnesses brought pizza and beer with them, I`d gladly let them in to spend an afternoon chatting about religion.
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
my ex girlfriends started they`re own website they call it two faced book...
I only change the kitty litter like once every two weeks but in my defense I don`t have a cat
Sometimes I wonder how people who don`t have kids get their TV remotes from the other side of the room.
When I`m sad, I sing...Then I realise my voice is worse than my problems.
Getting drunk and listening to loud music solves 87% of all life`s problems
Fingerprints are proof that God doesn`t trust us
Whatever “Estimated Time of Arrival” on the GPS. Challenge accepted.
Do you think we like to sing in the shower because we all love a good soap opera?
I only drink coffee because cocaine is too expensive.
Going to Target. See you in about two hundred bucks...
Due to political correctness issues, "Krazy Glue" will now be known as "Mental Disorder Glue."