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Remember that one time the cops pulled you over, then let you go because they had a more interesting call. You are welcome.
A Girl Scout made headlines when she sold cookies outside a Colorado pot shop. There’s no word on how she plans to spend her first million.
Iron Man is a superhero. Iron woman is a command.
GIRLS: To make a guy panic, simply ask, " Notice anything different?`... works EVERY time
Guys write songs about girls they love. Girls write songs about guys they have broken up with
There’s plenty of fish in the sea… I just suck at fishing.
I think a good gauge of my personality is that I watch Homeland to relax.
Imagine all the amazing places you could take naps if you were Superman.
Under no circumstances shall a call be made to another male after 2 a.m., unless its to get bailed out of jail.
You know it`s cold outside when during rush hour you get the mitten instead of the finger.
If you don`t like my facebook posts, feel free to delete me and solely visit your friends` pages where the big news of the day is when their grandkids finally took a $hit all by themselves.
“You look tired” is just a polite way to tell someone they look like sh*t.
Never argue with someone who knows fancier words than you. Like `responsibility`
I feel sorry for men who don’t know how to value women. One look at a woman and I know how much she will cost me.
There was no bonus fry at the bottom of the bag. But the story has a happy ending. I found it later in my sports bra.