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Boobs: because you can`t suck on a girls personality
You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn`t that bad. It`s kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping......with a really angry bear nearby.
I`ve found that the best web designers in the world are spiders.
One would have to assume that Amish chicks carve their own sex toys.
One time I snuck a whole rotisserie chicken into a movie, cause candy is for amateurs.
I hate when people see me at the store and are like "Hey, what are you doing?" I`m like "Oh you know, hunting elephants."
I spend more time looking in the fridge than I actually do eating.
I will never admit to my parents that I don’t believe in the Easter Bunny or Santa as long as I still get presents and candy.
Sometimes I feel like a semicolon. I don`t know where I belong.
Made the decision that I`m done having kids. Yet every morning I wake up and there they are asking me for breakfast.
I use these ( ... ) a lot. For which, I believe, the technical term is Dotty Dot Dots.
I already know that I`m going to hell ... At this point it`s really go big or go home.
I will vote for Donald Trump just to hear him tell Obama he`s fired!!
I danced like no one was watching but someone was watching, thought I was having a seizure and called an ambulance
Apparently people don`t like it when you lick your thumb and wipe all that black dirt off their forehead.