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I`m still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
Maybe Oscar wouldn`t have been so grouchy if the people on Sesame Street cared about the fact that he`s homeless
Facebook is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
I don`t think its a coincidence that "Sober" and "So bored" sound very much alike
When you have the opportunity to become a bigger person, take it because cake is delicious.
I can update Facebook from anywhere. Even when crossing the stre
Worried that you may have a stalker? Shut up and just be happy someone likes you.
drinking while working out...it`s called Bacardio
Secretly replaced the bacon with beggin` strips. Let`s see if the customers notice.
Putting on deoderant and colonge because you haven`t showered in days, is as about as useful as shutting the lid on a toilet after its overflowing.
The guy that figured out babies instinctively hold their breath under water probably had a lot of explaining to do.
Today I recently discovered how to make my p@nis 12"...I just fold that b!tch in half.
Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.
When I see somebody get on one knee tying their shoe in public I get in front of them, happy cry, and say “Oh my GOD, I will, YES-YESS!”
I get more cleaning done in the ten minutes before someone comes over than I do in a week.