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I keep trying to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
Texting totally changes your perception of how long stoplights are.
So.. who else is sleeping naked tonight?
Give a kid a Pop Tart and they eat for a day. Teach a kid how to make a Pop Tart and you sleep in all summer
Of course you don’t think you’re ignorant! That’s the definition of ignorance!
If you ever disappeared while hiking, I’d remain with the search party at least until it started raining.
The hardest part about being an adult is trying to hide how you`re still a child.
Michael Schumacher`s former crew just visited him in the hospital. They changed the wheels on his bed and his drip in 4.4 secs.
Settle down homemade play dough parents.
Why non-smokers don`t take bubble blowing breaks is beyond me
I`ve just woken up, and it appears that Earth is temporarily safe from harm & currently doesn`t need my assistance, so I`m going back to bed.
A word to the wise isn`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
I spend hours on Facebook and then think, “Well, that was pointless”
I enjoy a bit of unnecessary swearing as much as the next f*cker.
What do you mean casual Friday does not mean drink wine and get drunk at work