Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
All sex is safe sex if you keep your bright orange reflective vest on.
Men like football because the priorities in football are also the biggest priorities in every man’s life…. Scoring and Ball Security.
The most annoying are those people in great shape at the gym…. I’m like, “What are you doing here? You’re done.”
We should do this “3-day weekend” thing more often.
I scream, You scream, We all scream, Because grandpa forgot his hearing aids again.
I`ll decide whether it`s a compliment or sexual harassment.
If relationship breakups never existed, the music industry would go Bankrupt !
You better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout I`m telling you why...we have our own problems and nobody cares about yours.
Some people are like eye-candy... I`m more like eye-meatloaf.
The little piggy who went to market... wasn`t going shopping. Wrap your mind around that for a moment.
My psychiatrist told me I need to love myself more. I was like, "damn doc I`m already up to 3 times a day"
I`m so good, I scream my own name out during sex.
Due to political correctness issues, "Krazy Glue" will now be known as "Mental Disorder Glue."
I love food, napping on the couch, and getting super excited about car rides, I`m basically a golden retriever.
I don`t get in trouble, I just get into questionable situations.