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Breaking News: Tuesdays suck just as much as Mondays.
Love is when the guy who stocks the liquor knows your name.
Nothing makes you feel more like a kid than the right breakfast cereal. Lucky Charms for me please!
My boss calls it a cubicle. I call it a happiness deprivation chamber.
Getting up in the morning is like writing an essay. You want to do it, it takes a lot of effort, and you usually quit halfway through.
All men approve of premarital sex......until they have a daughter.
Mom said angels are watching over me. I`m just afraid they`re taking notes to make sure I go to hell.
The New iPhone 7 is coming out in August. If you want a sneak peek of the new iPhone. Take a look at your current iPhone and pretend it cost 200 dollars more.
When someone tells you they are getting a divorce, a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told, twice now.
Pointing out the food you just dropped on the floor to your dog because you`re too lazy to clean it.
I was the kid my parents warned me about.
I dont need to control my anger everyone around me needs to control their habit of pissing me off!
Not that I expect 100% truth in advertising, but shouldn’t those women in the tampon commercials be wielding chainsaws and burning stuff down, not laughing and dancing?
Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn`t make the cut.
When you are on a first date and she says to you: "I want you to treat me like a movie star," it is vitally important to establish which type of movie