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I used to be able to stay out much later than this. I find I just can’t these days. My phone battery just doesn’t have the stamina any more.
I`ve noticed more and more little kids with cell phones and social networks. What does a kindergartner have to tweet about? "I`m getting better at drawing in the lines!" #cantwaitforstorytime
Happy President`s day all. Heading out to buy a new mattress.
Yesterday I had to screw in a light bulb . Later, I crossed a road and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.
I`m pretty sure whoever coined the phrase " rise and shine", doesn`t do it anymore.
Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.
I can`t believe it`s been a year since I didn`t become a better person....
It`s not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.
The only way I want to see your ultrasound picture is if you`re having a velociraptor.
There’s nothing worse than getting $0.99 back in change.
Try Zumba, It`s awesome ... on my way to the emergency room.
Just once I`d like a doctor to tell me I`m not getting enough beer in my diet.
Some people wonder why I never like or comment on their posts. It’s because I unfollowed you a long time ago.
If you want to take a bank teller out on a date, just ask her. Don`t slip her a note at the window. Trust me on this.
I bought a screwdriver bit for my electric drill. It`s useful for converting ordinary phillips screws into non removable screws.