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Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant
Most advanced telescopes use mirrors so we really have no way to know how many vampires are in space
I prefer to use the bathroom naked w/ the door wide open. Sorry if this interferes with your idea of a "safe & fun work environment"
Good job with the heavy sighs, guy behind me, that should definitely help speed up the line.
My wife complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
I get very nervous out when my Subway sandwich moves up the crowded assembly line without me.
It`s Friday the 13th. Good thing I`m not superstitious, it`s unlucky to be superstitious...
I peed so hard that a little laugh came out
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
When people put pics of their vacation on FB I write: I saw fire trucks outside your house but I`m sure you already know, have a great time!
Shout out to all the ladies at church today in the same clothes from the club last night.
Some people should calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
I don`t need drugs to have a good time, I need them to focus, avoid depression, endure winter, fall asleep, and controll my high blood pressure
My 5 year old set up the lemonade stand all by himself and, while I`m proud of him, I doubt he`ll make a lot of sales in the backyard.
If you Google the word `overreacting` there`s a picture of me using a fire extinguisher on a spider.