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A human fart can be louder than a trombone. I discovered that at my daughter`s school concert.
Love your neighbor ... but don`t get caught.
At least men and women agree on one thing, they both don’t trust women.
Just farted in 3 different languages! Thanks, Rosetta Stone!
Pretty proud of myself, I got a lot of procrastinating done today
Any pencil can be a number two pencil if you eat it.
When I found out my toaster wasn`t waterproof, I was shocked!
Yes Officer, I carry a knife, but that`s just in case I find a cake.
I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
Some people just lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That`s where I come in.
Girl says to her Blonde friend, I slept with a Brazilian man last night. The Blonde replies: OMG you SLUT! How many is a Brazilian??
If my calculations are right, by November of 2019 my uneven usage of conditioner will finally lap the shampoo and I will run out of both at the exact same time.
I think I may have just inadvertently accomplished something!!!
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown man child who can`t take care of himself.
I`m glad I don`t work in an office. I can only imagine the smell at lunch time when everybody opens their egg salad sandwiches today.