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Redneck word of the day: Twerk "Imma have one more beer then imma get back twerk!"
All the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting up in my truck.
"I really should buckle down and get my rap album going"-Me, every time I drink
I have 500 friends and only 499 Birthday wishes on facebook! I`ll remember that when it`s YOUR birthday #405!!!
On the Internet you can be anything you want ... It`s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.
Flu (noun) - The only time when having used tissues laying next to your bed is socially acceptable.
I just lost another hour trying to figure out how to reset the clock in my car.
I was all ears until you said something that sounded like advice.
The longer I stay at home. The more homeless looking I look.
When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $4.95 a minute.
i`m my own therapist...which explains so much.
I will pay good money to anyone who can take me from work, make it look like an abduction and tuck me back into bed.
Got a new Juicer. Going to Juice all these delicious organic vegetables I got ... then add Vodka ... Don`t judge...
When you are dead, you don`t know you are dead. It`s pain only for others. It`s the same thing when you are stupid.
change your birthday on facebook to today, see how many people say happy birthday for APRIL FOOLS!!!! lol