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"You`ve got a friend in me." - Cannibals, probably
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.
Just drove past the house where I lost my virginity. There wasn`t even a plaque or anything. Pretty ridiculous if you ask me.
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", has obviously never been to a nude beach
Matt Damon is set to play an all-action version of Jesus in his new Easter based Biblical film, "Bourne Again Christian".
When I`m not sleepy, I listen to some Chris Brown. That knocks me out right away.
I hate it when I get too drunk and just kidding I never hate getting drunk!
I just googled "Is there really cowbell in the actual song Don`t Fear the Reaper?" and my first response was, "Go outside and do something."
I declare today, “Hit that dumb person you’ve always wanted to punch in the face day.”
I only get religious when scratching off lottery tickets.
Setting an alarm is how we ruin days that haven`t even started yet.
If offering people gum is cooking, then yes, I cook.
Is there anything more awkward than when you are singing along to a song on youtube and the music stops loading.
“Until death do us part,” means we will all be single in heaven, right?
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside