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For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
My therapist cries "Why me?" for the full hour.
No one asks the tough questions, like why are drug dealers on the metric system?
If you have a tattoo on your face, you`ve lost the right to ask me what I`m looking at.
Looking back.. I think I preferred you when I didn`t know you...
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
Scream “Chrome is better than Firefox” around a group of geeks if you wanna see them argue for 2 hours.
I was in a taxi and the driver said "I love my job. I`m my own boss and nobody tells me what to do!" I said "That`s really great, now take a left here."
My walk of shame is when I have to take all the the empty Taco Bell bags out of my car and bring them to the garbage can.
Happy St. Patrick`s Day to the fool that gave up alcohol for Lent.
Resisting the urge to write "Just shut the f*ck up" on someones status.
I`m one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.
Being stuck in the`` friend zone`` is like an employer refusing you for a job and calling you to complain about the person he hired.
Im thinking, The best part about sitting down at the computer for a minute and making a status message like this is that by the time you`ve finished reading it and taking a minute out of your day you`ll have a brand sense of enlightenment and awareness that you never had before once you realize that there is absolutely no point to this post whatsoever.
I refuse to take a single bite of my food until I find something good on TV.