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Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder.
It only takes a second to show a person how much you feel about them. The police call it indecent exposure, but whatever...
I hate when I get to work and I`m at work.
Just saw the little boy next door licking whip cream off the cat. Pretty sure he heard something he shouldn`t have.
Remember ladies, if on your 10th selfie you don’t have the perfect one to post you’re really just ugly.
I drink because people talk.
I gave up my Ego, because I am so much better than that..................
Every girl is beautiful, sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it....
If you’re a millionaire and you don’t have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool then you should just give me all of your money because you’re wasting it
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything... Well, my phone number for a start.
Redneck WORD OF THE DAY: WATER My girlfriend gets mad and I don`t even know water problem is!
It`s really difficult to find what you want on eBay. I was searching for cigarette lighters and found over 15,000 matches...
So Apple is gonna buy Beats by Dr. Dre... I guess "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" doesn`t apply to technology?
LIFE HACK: Sneak into doctor`s waiting rooms instead of subscribing to magazines.
Why can`t things be simple like they use to be? I show you a bug I found, we share a snack pack, and then you`re my girlfriend.