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Look, all I`m saying is, you never see Nikki Manaj and E.T. in the same place at the same time.
If running on a treadmill was the only way to recharge our phones we would be the healthiest mofos on the planet.
I always shout "PIZZA`S HERE" so the delivery guy doesn`t think I`m eating two pizzas by myself.
I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
If you play any Taylor Swift song backwards you`ll hear messages from the devil, however even worse........... if you play it forwards, you`ll hear Taylor Swift
Why does life keep teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn?
The guy who decided how to spell bologna was clearly in over his head.
If a man says something in the woods.. And there are no women there.. Is he still wrong? O_o
Have you ever laughed so hard that no sound comes out and you sit there clapping your hands like a retarded seal?
Unless otherwise stated, I have no idea what I’m talking about.
I was all ears until you said something that sounded like advice.
Some people`s lives are like open books... Mine is like a trashcan without a lid.
Nice try blocked number, but I don`t even answer my phone when I know who`s calling.
Arm wrestling is DEFINITELY the manliest sport where Two dudes hold hands...
The real reason I’m not a superhero…. Pockets, I need my pockets.