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It`s called "Biscotti" because nobody would buy "chocolate covered croutons".
Someone cut in front of me in the salad bar line today. I didn`t do anything because anyone who wants a salad that badly terrifies me.
¦It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
Putting vodka in my juice, because it`s Russia somewhere.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.
Roughly 82% of my day is trying to decide what my next meal will be
Saying that your company has been in business since the 1800`s isn`t a selling point. Slavery existed then too...
Making mirrors look good, since 1972
"I don`t trust you to not buy drugs" -people who give gift cards
Always end a conversation with "gotta run" so people think you`re into fitness
Do these people in movies who wander off into the woods alone at night not watch movies?
"Don`t try this at home"...Okay, i`ll try it at my friend`s house..
Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.
I`ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.!!
I don`t know karate, but I do know crazy, and I`m not afraid to use it.