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AA meetings would be better if AA stood for Alcohol Afterwards
I just got off the couch and I think I accidentally did yoga or some $hit.
I hate it when I don`t forward a chain letter and I die the next day.
Slutty girls are like Walmarts, everyone makes fun of them but when you`re inside one at 4am you think, i`m glad these are here.
Worried that you may have a stalker? Shut up and just be happy someone likes you.
Over 500 channels and not a DAMN THING to watch! I suppose I should subscribe to some of them...
Can`t believe people still say "pot" it`s not the 70s anymore we call it "saucepan" now
Here`s hoping the wind at your back doesn`t come from the corned beef and cabbage you had for lunch. Happy St. Patrick`s Day!
I always read my girlfriend’s horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
Paintball is much more fun when the other people at Walmart don’t know we are playing.
Took my 3rd self-defense class, so if anyone feels like attacking me straight on, very slowly, w/ a fake knife in their right hand, BRING IT
Going to Colorado this weekend to go ... "Hiking"
Sometimes my brain is like the bermuda triangle...Information goes in then it`s never found again..
?"Cheating" is such a strong word. I rather call it "talent scouting".
That fact that I need sun glasses to open my fridge means my night must have been awesome.