Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Door bells should be made illegal in commercials. Pet owners know what Iām talking about.
Saw a billboard ad for potato chips that proudly claimed "There`s a lot of pride in every bag!" Hmmm...is "pride" another word for "air"?
Is your GPS supposed to sigh before it says "Recalculating"?
Attention idiots: as you continue to read something clearly addressed to idiots. Idiot.
You`ve never been truly drunk until you`ve had to use a barstool as a walker to get home.
Got arrested at the airport last week. Apparently, security doesn`t appreciate it when you call "shotgun" before boarding a plane.
If kindness really kills, you`ll always be completely safe around me.
Never hire a color blind Bomb Technician.
It`s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
Wind chimes? I can`t see myself saying, its too quiet, you know what`d be nice? Noise.
I hate mosquitoes, I mean I know Iām delicious but damn.
I`m a fantastic secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don`t care enough to actually talk about it to anyone else.
Iām not the kind of person you ever put on speaker phone.
My number was 0...
There is no such thing as something looking "Too good to eat"