Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
i dont normally have a cool facebook status, but when i do, an older relative spoils it with a lame comment.
I was playing catch phrase with my family and the phrase I got was `pearl necklace` .. And then I ruined family time...
My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo, because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.
Never let the printer know that you are in a hurry.
Whenever I hear that customer service calls are going to be recorded I do one of my raps because I`m too poor to pay for studio time
That sounds fried. I`ll take it.
Not to brag, but I’m pretty good in bed. I don’t snore or steal covers, and I only pee if something startles me.
People pay to sponsor animals in the wild and get pic updates on it. Well if anyone would like to sponsor me I will send you a selfie a day.
I hope I can still remember the dance to Thriller when I become a Zombie.
lifes a laugh, start living it!
Due to no supervision and sheer lack of self control; I sincerely with GREAT guilt! Here now inform you. I ate your banana split
People hate facing the truth. Luckily the truth doesn`t give a sh*t.
When I am working, I get paid to be nice. I don`t understand why my friends and family expect me to do it for free during my time off.
Life is too short for fake butter, cheese or people.
Whoever said "Just showing up is half the battle" (a) didn`t understand battles and (b) probably died quickly after showing up.