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When I see people jogging outside I like to drive slowly down the road behind them blasting “Eye of the Tiger” just to give them motivation.
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza
Dear Mother-in-Law, Do not tell me how to handle my child, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.
What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
My personal fast food philosophy: If nobody knows you went to McDonald`s, you didn`t really go to McDonalds.
Guys...dont mess up and buy her the wrong brand of vacuum cleaner for Valentines Day this year. Spend a little extra for a really good one ... Just tring to help.
It`s been discovered that 1% of the population is allergic to Gluten. The other 99% are sick and tired of hearing about it......
Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.
Thinking about staying in tonight? Nobody looks back in life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
Does running away from your problems count as exercising? If it is, then I`m one hell of a fitness freak
And then God said, "Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I`ll give women the power over which to control it."
I eat boiled eggs, cabbage, and baked beans before the in-laws visit. They never stay long.
Kids these days with their high tech cell phones. They will never get the experience of being stuck in a tree and not knowing if anyone is coming to help. Oh, and could someone come and set my ladder back up so I can get down.
"I understand your logic, but let`s try to look at this more emotionally." - women
You think you have a tough job? I clean the windows on automatic doors.