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I just burned 1200 calories ... I forgot the pizza in the oven again.
Sometimes, I`ll start a text with "lol" if it might be a sensitive subject. Like, "lol it`d be cool if you moved out."
Oh, he uses you for sex? Stop bitching…Sex is awesome. Complain when he’s using you for laundry….. or a human shield.
We`re up to Fast n Furious #6. Shouldn`t they just create a weekly TV series?
Hey dumb a$$. Not everything I post pertains to you. Just the stuff that starts with Hey dumb a$$.
If two cannibals fight, does that make it a food fight?
Drink till she´s cute, but stop before the wedding
The zoo basically has two modes. 1. Lazy sleepy animals. 2. Hard core porn
Being a parent means hiding in a closet to eat a donut so you don`t have to share.
I love finding money in my clothes. It’s like a gift to me ... from me.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
I`m reaching the point where I really hope it`s not possible to be annoyed to death.
They`ll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that`s been open for more than 2 years.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting.
The important thing to remember is that nobody asked you.