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Yawning is our body`s way of saying 20% of battery remaining
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I`m above average at something!
Any hedge can be a maze if you are drunk enough.
How did Mexico keep enough people from crossing the border to field a full soccer team?
Have you ever partied so hard that you feel like you may have damaged your DNA?
Hey all you parents who recently named your kid Jax, We get it you`re unoriginal and watch SOA ... Hold on my daughter Grey`s Anatomy is crying.
If anybody tells you you’re putting too much Parmesan on your pasta, stop talking to them. You don’t need that negativity in your life.
I`m ready to regret having sex with you.
Guys would stay home longer if boobs came in a 30 pack.
My mother always used to think that my friends were bad influences. ..I wonder if she`s figured out yet that I was the one coming up with all the ideas? ;)
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer ... That`s all.
Roses are red, violets are blue, daisies are white, sunflowers are yellow. This florist has everything.
I never run with scissors…those last two words were unnecessary.
Avoid hangovers: stay drunk ;)
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public, why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?