Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t care how the future pans out, any amazon delivery from now on is referred to as a drone strike.
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
Exercise? More like extra fries.
Crazy? ... My therapist does say I should quit talking to myself.
Sorry for illegally downloading your music, guy who mostly makes songs about doing crime.
"Wow, that Hungry Man TV dinner sure lives up to its name!" said no hungry man ever.
Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings
I`ve never gone to bed with an ugly woman. Woken up to a whole bunch of them though.
My therapist says I`m paranoid, which is exactly what you might expect from a shapeshifting lizard hired by the CIA to track my whereabouts.
Nothing says lazy like laying on the couch making today`s responsibilities tomorrow`s problem.
If you`re not afraid when someone is flipping through the photos on your phone then you`re probably boring.
You know what`s wrong with winning a hundred thousand dollars? ... Not a damn thing!
Ugh... Seriously? If I get ONE more sexual advance on facebook, that will be.. like... a first.
Who wants to go Smart Car Tipping?
People always ask me, where do I come up with my status`, do I make them up, or do I get them from the internet.. Truth is people. I use Status Enhancing Drugs.