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I always read my wife`s Horoscope to see what kind of day I`M going to have...!!
Calling credit cards "a convenient alternative to cash" is like calling crystal meth a "diet substitute".
I`ve found that the best web designers in the world are spiders.
My brain is giving me the silent treatment
Whoever said your harshest critic is yourself was clearly never married.
Nothing tests that whole "for better or worse" thing like the question "does this look infected?"
There is no harm in imitating a porn movie. But stopping in between because you are imitating the buffering part (!), is unacceptable.
Highschool Reunion? What for ? I`m on Facebook. I already know who got fat.
Often, when I am reading a good book I stop and thank my teacher. Well, I used to. Until she got that restraining order.
Made some terrible life choices the last few years. Just kidding. I`m married and not allowed to make decisions.
You move into my house, delete all my porn, decorate every wall with rooster pictures, talk incessantly, leave hair everywhere and are too tired for sex?? Sounds great, let`s do it!!
I may be wrong, but I doubt it.
I get paid to be nice at work. Not sure why my family and friends expect that for free.
Farts are just ghosts of things that we ate. ;D
Single, means never having to say you`re sorry.