Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What I do when I black out is none of my business.
If advertisers were smart, they`d make a silent, slow-motion commercial that runs at normal speed when you fast forward through it on a DVR.
I get more excited seeing my luggage on a baggage carousel than I do seeing a person I know.
Ever have to poop and your abdominals start to relax just as you near the toilet, and then you notice that `Out of Order` sign or the empty toilet paper dispenser?
All these people are talking about finding Jesus, finding love, finding themselves... I`m like I found 63 cents and four Fritos in the couch!
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face...
I`ll bet I`m the only one in this grocery store with "sh!t for tacos" on my shopping list.
I think I`m the drunkest person at this bed bath and beyond.
Relationship status: sleeping in my bed diagonally.
If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize. I honestly didn’t think you could read.
My grandfather once waited in line for 36 hours to get a loaf of bread and I can`t wait two seconds for a Youtube video to load.
Whoever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard.
I hate fake people...especially the ones at the mall advertising clothes in front of the stores
I got so much Crazy going on that the term "Bi-Polar" would be excessively underestimating my condition, let`s go with "Multi-Polar" from now on.........