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Are you watching too much T.V but not doing enough reading? Turn your subtitles on.
I take a large amount of pride in always being prepared for a nap.
Yes I`m still bitter about my name not being mentioned in "Mambo No. 5"
It saddens me to think that I`ll never be able to watch my own a$$ as I walk away :(
At any given time, my wallet is worth more than it’s contents.
So in between the 4 seconds that I missed your call and managed to call ya back, you`ve fallen off the face of the earth?
This empty wallet looks like I`ll be laughing obnoxiously at some guy`s awful jokes in a bar tonight.
Has it ever occurred to optimists and pessimists that the glass is refillable?
I saw the city workers putting up a sign on my street and it says Bumpy road ... so I put up a sign that says ,, FIX IT !
I really respect people that don`t drink excessively, gamble, curse, do drugs, spend excessively, act irresponsibly and stay up late. And by "respect" I mean "don`t wanna hang out with"
I never wanted to grow up, I just wanted to be tall enough to reach the cookies.
Stupid people who suddenly make a smart decision have no idea how confusing that is for the rest of us.
You always remember your first Crush. Mine was Orange.
Ever noticed how you used to be embarrassed by things you did or that happen to you, but now your first thought is "I can post that"
The point of no return sounds like a fun vacation spot.