Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Marry someone shorter than you so you can hide all the good snacks on the top shelf.
You guys make Facebook worth it! Just kidding, we are all wasting our lives.
It’s called karma, and it’s pronounced “haha! Screw you!”
State of mind is in no mind to state its state of mind.
Keys to a good friendship. Same taste in alcohol. Different taste in women.
If you really think about it, "Nightlife" is just a fancy word for drinking alcohol at a place that isn`t your house.
DID YOU KNOW: If every person on the planet lined up along the Earth`s equator, most of them would drown.
I`m not a gamer, but I can be as lazy as one.
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around. Observe them. Write down notes.
I`d fight a bear for you. Well, not a grizzly or a brown bear. But maybe like a care bear. I`d fight one of those sonsabitches for you.
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember all the things I was suppose to do.
The toughest decision I will make today is bottle or draft.
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t
It must suck to be an air conditioner repairman. You spend your day working in buildings that have no air conditioning. When it`s fixed and finally cool, you leave.