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My horoscope started with `are you sitting down?`
Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
HardCoreStrategy 22 hours ago 6 3? Guys are? in a cafe. The first guy says "I?? have the smallest arm in the? world." The second guy says I have the?? smallest head in? the world." The third guy says I have the smallest d^ck in the world. They all? go to? the Guinness Book of World records. The? first? guy comes back and says I really? have the smallest arm in the world. The seconds guy? returns and? says? I have the smallest head in the world. The third guy comes back? and angrily?? says WHO? T
Today is Valentine’s Day or as I call it… Tuesday.
You can always tell a lot from that first kiss, especially when they say things like "please stop" and "who are you?"
The sucking moment when you wave to someone & they haven`t noticed you & all are watching you & you feel why you waved in the first place & still you run after the person to stop & say HI
Married people always ask when you’re getting married like they get points for recruiting to their club of misery.
If I learned anything from my children, it`s that it is always OK to do something stupid, as long as someone DARED you to do it.
I can`t wait to get all liquored up, and then go door-to-door to sing some Christmas Carols when it starts to warm up in April...
I was fighting with this guy over who`s lazier. I let him win.
Naked and Afraid also describes the last time I spent a night at a Holiday Inn
Relationships are not a test... So why cheat?
You wanna know where I`m ticklish? Hawaii.
I really like this new reality show "Neighbor Without Drapes"
There are no absolutes in this world. Except vodka.