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The older the Facebook post, the creepier your “like” becomes.
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza
I only change the kitty litter like once every two weeks but in my defense I don`t have a cat
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug
"And then I rented a monster truck and drove it through their f*cking house!" - How all my stories would end if I was a billionaire.
If you don`t pay your exorcist do you get repossessed?
Looking back at old text messages and Facebook messages and being like "What the hell was I thinking when I said that."
I farted on my wallet. Now I have gas money
I love this oscillating fan, 5 out of every 15 seconds.
Do you like me? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.
What is Warm, Soft, Sticky and has a Hole in the middle? It`s a Fresh donut. I was way off on that one!
This bar doesn’t know it yet, but it’s about to be karaoke night.
A new day : the possibilities, endless. the funds, insufficient.
Breast awareness month: we stare because we care
Is it too early to start drinking? - some moron with a clock.