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Feeling tired as you struggle to get through the day? There`s a nap for that.
According to my neighbor’s journal, I have boundary issues.
I wish more of my handcuff stories involved sex instead of police officers.
My wife thinks I`m at work. My boss thinks I`m home sick. These ducks think I`m awesome because I have the bread.
When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.
Unwritten Rule of the Day: Don´t make eye contact while eating a banana.
Glad McDonald`s don`t serve hotdogs, I don`t think I could order a McWeiner with a straight face.
Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges to keep the crazies from following you.
Sleep is for people with no internet connection.
If cartoons can wear the same clothes everyday then so can I, dammit!
Every time I lose some weight, I find it again in the refrigerator.
Excellent Group Ice Breaker: Do you think sailors feel pressured to swear?
insert coin to view my status
A fine is a tax for doing wrong...and a Tax is a fine for doing well
I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.