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Stay positive ladies, maybe he just didn`t hear you the first 100 times.
To all the people who think they don`t need deodorant: What in the world would make you think that?
It is amazing how a nice pair of boobs can hide serious flaws and signs of mental illness until after you marry them!
Before I got married I didn`t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
"Okay" means you`re in the clear. "K" means you`re better off not coming home. Fellas, you know what I`m talking about.
Let`s party like there`s no tomorrow and call in sick if there is one.
People who wait 4 hours to reply to my text with "lol" should be shot.
What if dreams are just glimpses of alternate universes?
If at first you don’t succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.
When I text someone and they dont text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from overexcitement.
If a door closes in your life...kick that f*cking thing open and continue to pursue your dreams.
They keep telling me theres plenty of fish in the sea, but I havent caught one in years, soooo I continue to sit here, holding my rod.
I bet you can`t keep the funny and not funny the same number.
Just because you`re not paranoid doesn`t mean they`re not out to get you.
I bet guys that work at strip clubs are "hard" workers...