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Got caught up in a really good book last night. I didn`t stop coloring till 2 o`clock this morning.
To understand paranoid people better, follow them around
Texting "Good Morning, Beautiful" will change a girl`s whole day. If you time it right, it will do the same for her boyfriend.
2 words, 1 finger.
My wallet is like an onion. When I open it.. it makes me cry.
If you’re happy and you know it, you’re probably exhausting to be around.
There’s nothing like having a long to-do list to make me feel like doing absolutely nothing.
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
Dear math, please stop asking us to find your x. She`s not coming back. And we don`t no y either.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to work, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid`s vomit.
There’s a police helicopter above my house right now, so I’m cashing in and calling everyone who has ever said “when pigs fly.”
I have many talents... For example: Sleeping.
My 6 year old found the duct tape and now nothing in my house moves.
I just had a threesome in the shower with Johnson and Johnson.
They say children are a gift from god. I`m totally wide-open to regifting.