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Teamwork is just another way of saying we will soon be sharing in the blame equally.
Maybe vodka is addicted to me
My spouse thinks I`m crazy. But I`m not the one who married me.
Black Friday, because after a day of thankfully stuffing your face, you deserve a deal on purchases you don’t need.
I have a moderate amount of skills in life, but one of those things does NOT include the ability to stop eating.
Think big, Think smart, Think positive, Think beautiful, Think great,I know this is too much for u,so here is a shortcut-Just think about me
Life is simple. Eat. Sleep. Update Facebook status.
Some days I feel about as useful as the pants in Donald Duck`s closet.
When someone calls you a bitch just say a bitch is a dog, a dog barks, bark is on trees, trees are nature and nature is beautiful. thanks for the compliment ;)
I now have more electronic screens in my life than friends.
I`m glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.
Saying a prayer for all the turkeys today. Also the single people with concerned relatives.
Man:Hello doc, my wife is having a baby. Doctor:Is this the first child? Man:No, it`s the husband speaking.
Don`t judge a person for drinking; judge a person for not drinking. Those f*ckers are up to something.
Rich people have rehab. Poor people have jail.