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ASKHOLE: A person who constantly ask for your advice, yet always does the opposite of what you told them
If you like someone, pretend they`re a charger and you`re an iPhone on 1%. Run to them. Grab them. Plug them in. Wait, I lost the metaphor.
Am I the only one who calculates how much sleep I can get before I go to bed?
Apparently sleeping your way to the top doesn`t mean dozing off in meetings or taking naps in the copier room.
Apparently "I`ll break your god damn legs" isn`t the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway.
I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
If you really loved your kids, you would teach them to say their alphabet forwards AND backwards. They`ll thank you later.
Swans mate for life...in case you were wondering what made them so mean.
Time to train for my favorite winter sport. Extreme Hibernation.
I will never admit to my parents that I don’t believe in the Easter Bunny or Santa as long as I still get presents and candy.
ever notice that on a phone the word "mom" is 666?
I was driving thru Farmville and I had to pee ... so I pulled over and fertilized your crops
B!tch, please! You`re so fake, even barbie is jealous of you
And I was like “No, Coke is NOT ok. I wanted a Pepsi.” And she was all “Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies.”
I fight evil wherever it may be ... except in dark, scary places.