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America: Where stairs are only used for emergency escape purposes.
There is a huge difference between a hot girl and a girl wearing lesser clothes.
The worst thing about that guy who posts non-stop gym updates is that all that exercise is gonna make him live longer.
People say there are plenty of fish in the sea, well that is nice and all but I’m human, I don’t date fish.
According to the U.S. Census Bureau: 190,374 people are having sex right now, 212,130 are kissing, and 1 poor person is reading this post. You hang in there!
Even if girls came with instructions, men would never read them.
I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
The early bird gets the worm. But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 10:30.
"Have you been drinking . sir?" asks the policeman. "Go Pikachu! Thunderbolt!" "Sir, did you just throw a hamster at my head?"
I`m sorry, I live in the U.S. so I don`t really get the metric system. How much exactly is "in moderation"?
Teacher: Why are you late!? Me: There was a man who lost a $100 bill..Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it? Me: No, I was standing on it until he f*cked off.
The brain is the most outstanding organ, it works for 24 hours 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the “ABCs” in my head to remember which letter comes next.
I don`t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.
I get butterflies in my stomach every time I eat butterflies.