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If I don`t `like` your post it`s because I don`t care...
Whenever I’m bored I stop a stranger and ask “where am I?” and whatever they say I runaway screaming “Hahaha I’m a genius! I can teleport!”
Coffee : Starter fluid for the morning impaired.
The one good thing about an egotist. They don`t talk about other people.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought, "Yep, you have a person in your basement."?
Sometimes I write "This is a hold up. I have a gun." in the memo of the checks I write for people and pray they cash them at the teller.
Destiny may decide who touches your Life. Your heart may decide who touches your Soul. But…Tequila decides who touches your body
I was filling out this form when one of the questions asked "What level is your maturity?" I didn`t fill it out cause I couldn`t find my crayons!!
I wish tanning beds could pop you out like a toaster when you`re finished.
I`ve been having real problems with nuisance phone calls lately. The most common one seems to be "You said you`d be home from the bar three f*cking hours ago!"
I’m the type of person who looks at the menu for five minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.
If Wal-Mart ends up selling mortgages, the trailer market will explode.
People with no money sure do have a lot of pot.
If your friends don’t make fun of you, they’re not your true friends.
Black holes must be where God divided by zero.