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Still not 100% clear on whether French Montana is a person or a steakhouse special.
I enjoy shopping online because at least I don`t have to act all shocked when my credit card gets declined.
Tire rotation? Nice try, mechanic! I rotated my tires like a thousand times on the drive over here.
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I`m done picking my nose, I`m gonna smile and wave.
We spend 33% of our life sleeping, 33% wanting to be asleep and the rest apologizing to women.
Baby gates are parents` way of saying "this area is locked until you’ve gained more experience."
The existence of the `snooze` button tells you everything you ever need to know about the human race.
Mirrors don’t lie. And, lucky for me, they don’t laugh either.
"We attack at dawn!" - Hangovers
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village wants one.
if i get a friend request from you and your profile picture is a car i`ll asume your a transformer
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you... I would start thinking about you.
You`re really cute, can I suck the life out of you? - women
With my luck, I`ll die and get reincarnated as myself.