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Scott Baio is not a part of the Presidential transition team. I’m really disappointed that Charles is not in Charge of anything.
great day! laundry done, dishes and house cleaned.... who am I kidding? been drinking since 9 am!!
When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary. Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that shi t.
You are wasting your time reading this status.
I try not to laugh at my own jokes… but we all know I’m Hilarious.
When I`m bored, I send a random text to a random number saying "I hid the body... now what?"
I sent that "Ancestry " site some information on my family tree. They sent me back a packet of seeds and suggested that I just start over
Babies are so cute because none of them are mine.
Do you ever wish that you could just unmeet someone.
Watch out! It’s quite possible some of my best mistakes haven’t been made yet.
Nothing is better than seeing your ex with someone uglier than you!
I wish there was a way to find out how many boners you’ve caused in a lifetime, I wanna check my stats.
I had your cake and ate it too.
In honor of this years` Super Bowl participants respective States of residence, they`ve changed kickoff to 4:20 Eastern Standard time.
I can’t decide if the drinks are too weak or if my tolerance is too strong.