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Your lights are on but I see someone’s been playing with your dimmer switch.
I swear my cat was an alarm clock in a previous life...
Keep your marriage fresh by writing each other love notes like "I considered smothering you with a pillow last night but didn`t."
I`m getting older but I still have my moments...though I don`t always remember where I put them
That awkward moment when you gently toss your phone on the bed and it bounces off 3 walls, breaks 2 lamps and kills a cat...
I need an emoticon that’s stabbing another emoticon in the eye with a pen while repeatedly punching it in its little emoticon balls.
If your that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
On the bright side, it’s Friday Eve Eve Eve.
Some of you ladies need to ease up on the makeup until we get this clown situation resolved.
Porn is a lot like yoga pants. Not everybody should be in them.
Girls, dont read this please: Hey guys, isn`t it funny how our wives/or girlfirends really think that we care what they did that day? lol.....it never gets old.
Sometimes, even I`m afraid of the things my mind comes up with.
You know I feel the frustration that The Skipper endured because there are days that I too am surrounded by Gilligans
When I get in an elevator, before I press a button I look at everyone inside and say “Are you ready to take this sh!t to a whole new level?”
If people who shop at Walmart, “Save Money. Live Better.” Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?