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Besides creating dinosaurs are mosquitos good for anything?
My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ... I sent it anyways.
Finger Prints on Super Bowl Trophy to be used in dozens of criminal investigations
It`s hard to compliment a fake person without lying.
I consider anything that doesn`t fit in the dishwasher to be for one time use.
"Baby on Board" Oh really? Thanks for letting me know. I was about to ram into your car but now I won`t.
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
Whenever there’s an awkward silence, try whispering, “Did you forget your line?”
Maybe America will believe in global warming if we make it a Snapple Fact.
My wife says I talk while I sleep. But I’m skeptical. Nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
It`s pretty neat how owning a pool gives me an excuse to own every chemical needed to make a body completely disappear.
Time to try some of this candy from the Easter "bunny"... Can`t trust anything you find laying in the yard these days.
The sun and I have an understanding. He gets up before I do.
Wouldn`t ventriloquists be a lot cooler if they could throw their farts?
I didn`t know until this week that so many people I know are politicians...