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7 years ago to this day, I swallowed my gum and broke a mirror, so as you might imagine, this is a pretty big day for me.
There are a thousand better ways to spend your time and yet here you are with me.
Why do some people call it a "tuna-fish" sandwich? It`s not like anyone calls it a "chicken-bird" sandwich.
I`m not lazy, I`m in energy saving mode.
Last New Year my resolution was 1920x1080 , this year it`s to be less of a nerd.
You never hear skinny people saying, "I`m just small boned."
Just bought me a medical alert bracelet that says... "probably just sh!tfaced"
Me: Where can I find the milk? Her: Sir, this is a library. Me: *whispers* Sorry, where can I find the milk?
Of course I plan to seize the day ... Eventually.
I like long walks on the beach and drives through Taco Bells drive-thru.
I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I`m not an actor.
my doctor says I have the body of a 20 year old, the mind of a 30 year old and the wisdom of a someone twice my age, to which my husband asked " What did he say about your fat ass?" I said to my husband, "Oh , the doctor didn`t say anything about you dear!".
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 8 times,......Your probably a woman.
Sometimes in the morning while drinking my coffee, I think about all the people I will be pissing off.
Social Media: Because I like to socialize with cool people without having to speak, wear pants or get off the couch.