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I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible. But pissing off everyone is fun and easy.
I love that sound you make when you shut the hell up.
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild
Attention...my facebook page has been hacked. But everyone seems to like the new guy better, me too actually...so fvck it!
If your dog loves hanging his head out the window of the car as you are driving, but growls when you blow in his face, you may need a breath mint.
I think eating is my kind of sport.
If it wasn’t for profanity, I wouldn’t be a pro at anything.
I`m proud to announce that I`m still the undefeated champion at racing with drivers who don`t know we`re racing.
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers make any f*cking sense.
Mcdonalds Drive thru: Do you want a girl toy or a boy toy? Me: You have those here?!
Exercise by running up the street knocking on all the doors. - Jehovah`s Fitness.
So I turned my phone onto " airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst transformer ever!
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of sh!t going on?
Does `virgin wool` come from sheep the shepherd hasn`t caught yet? ..just asking
I just need someone to feed me and tell me I’m pretty.