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I always say, "morning." Instead of, "good morning." If it were a good morning, I would still be asleep in bed instead of talking to people.
my wish for tonight is for the person reading this status to have a Good Night!
I`m just here until I can make day drinking a full time job
It’s always hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they’re always taking things literally.
I`m easily influenced... That`s why I try not to watch too much porn
Just once I`d like to see someone in a movie call bullshit when someone tells them their phone number starts with 555
It`s a good idea to test your immune system from time to time by eating a gas station hot dog
When a guy says "I`m Fine" what he is really trying to say is that he is fine.
Why has someone not invented a see-through toaster yet?
I bought the world`s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it`s terrible.
I find myself highly addicted to books as of late. Once I start coloring the first few pages I can`t stop....
You lost your phone and it`s on silent? Too bad. If you liked it then you should`ve put a ring on it.
I put the “Pro” in Procrastinate.
It’s so nice outside I should probably close the blinds so there isn’t a glare on my screen.
The saying, "Say no to drugs" has always made me laugh. If you`re talking to drugs, it`s probably too late to say no to them.