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A wireless bra? They weren`t tricky enough, now I need a password?
Sometimes it’s the little victories, like depositing a dollar to avoid overdraw fees that make me feel like a responsible adult.
The easiest way to get over someone is with a steamroller.
Some people should use a glue stick instead of a chap stick.
Apparently, you can only say "Look at you! You got so big!" to kids. Old girlfriends tend to get offended. Who knew?
One advantage of growing old is you don`t have to worry about hackers stealing your nude pics out of the cloud.
Everytime I find the key to happiness, somebody changes the lock.
Abbreviation is an unnecessarily long word.
Have you guys seen the new documentary about white trash? I only saw the trailer.
he who laughs last thinks slow
It’s not you. It’s my ears. They just make you sound so boring and dull.
I hav 10 fingers bt i usd only.. the thumb to write this...!
I laugh in the face of normal.
I`ve decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term `Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."
The Olympians stories are amazing! The Ukrainian whose family was killed, the Korean who escaped slavery, the American who never had wifi.