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Stop everything you’re doing. Think about me. You’re welcome.
Love putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They`er so warm and cozy, and it`s fun to scan the laundromat and guess whose they are.
Your lights are on but I see someone’s been playing with your dimmer switch.
Actually baby, diamonds are a girls best friend, so technically I slept with your second best friend
There`s no easy way to steal a watermelon.
u smile i smile u laugh i laugh u cry i`ll go get a bat and say who`s gonna get it
Help me Obi Won Bacardi, I`m sobering up.
My mission is to be the first person on Facbook to have one million people on their block list. . .
Waitress: `Do u have any questions about the menu?` Me: `What kind of font is this?`
I`m so hungry I could eat without looking down at my phone.
Every time I see a pregnant woman, I very much want to ask if she swallowed a watermelon seed.
Me and my recliner...we go way back.
If McDonald´s sold hot dogs, could u, with a straight face, order a McWeiner & tell them 2 super size it?
*driving behind a cop* Well, well, well. Looks like the tables have turned.
You`d think the self checkout lanes would have more mirrors.