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Anyone who says "Let`s all put our phones down and talk with each other," is just running out of battery and needs a charge.
Can`t dance? Spell your name....in the air...with your butt. BOOM! Next problem...
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth" ... I choose dare, your honor
What if pay-phones are disappearing so they can keep us in the matrix?
Nothing like calling off work and watching porn all morning.
Renewed my "Man Card" today, by going out in the cold, drizzly weather to cut firewood. In other news, police are investigating sightings of a chainsaw wielding maniac in the my area. I hope the catch that nut job!
New Years - the only day where its socially acceptable to drink this early.
I have no problem texting while driving, but I won’t text while going down stairs. That sh!t’s dangerous.
Helped my kid pick out a "famous past explorer" for a class assignment. Hope no one else in her class picks Internet Explorer 6.
To the dude I just saw driving a beat up Ford mini van with spare tire and dream catcher on mirror: that dream catchers not working dude!
You’d be amazed how often I’m wrong when people say guess what.
I’ve learned to use meditation to handle stress. Just kidding, I’m on my third glass of wine.
"Sarcasm is a body`s natural defense against stupid."
I am really glad the shutdown is over. I`ll tell you something, it was very lonely being the only nonessential employee who was working.
Getting another set of teeth would be much more useful at age 60 than age 6.